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7 Ways to Help You Cope with the Bears Sudden Mediocrity

This time two weeks ago (and even in the days after the tough loss in the ATL), Bears fans were optimistic about a playoff berth and even division championship. Man, what one good a$$-whoopin’ can do to break your spirit.

After the debacle in Cincy, it’s time to re-evaluate this season’s goals and rein in the expectations a bit. So here are 7 ways to get the most enjoyment out of watching the suddenly mediocre Bears the rest of this season:

1.       After every false start by a Bears’ offensive linemen, drop and give yourself 10 push-ups. By season’s end, you’ll probably have Lou Ferrigno-like biceps, giving you the ability to squash gloating Packer and Viking fans with one hand tied behind your newly muscle-toned back.

2.       Since our D-line hasn’t come close to sniffing a sack in 2 games, we’ll give them credit for a QB ‘pressure’ if they come within 5 feet of him. A touch on a QB – even after the whistle blows to signal the end the play – would constitute a sack in our little fantasy world.

3.       For every INT Cutler throws, donate $5 to your favorite charity. That way when the Bears give the ball away, you can at least take solace in the fact you’re giving something back too.

4.       Take pride in the Pro-Bowl worthy performances of Bears cast-offs Kyle Orton and Cedric Benson. Tell friends Kyle and Ced can attribute their strong seasons for the training they received in Chicago – most notably in the Rush Street entertainment district.

5.       Every time an opposing WR catches a pass with no Bears DB within 10 yards of him, credit the defender for having the smarts to avoid an un-necessary roughness penalty.

6.       Let’s make 50-yard rushing days by Matt Forte the equivalent of running for 100 yards. Then Lovie can blow sunshine up our a$$es in the post-game press conference saying things like “I was proud of our running game today – hitting the half-century mark was huge for us.”

7.       Every time our defense gives up an 80-plus-yard drive, use the built-in excuse “If we only had Tommie Harris, Brian Urlacher and Chuck Norris in the starting line-up…”

All joking aside, there’s still a lot of football to be played this season. Let’s hope the Bears start playing some very soon.


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