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The Anti-Bears Fan Bears Fan Rant

My friends say I am the most anti-Bears fan Bears fan you will ever meet. I am typically very pessimistic about the Bears and, at times, can barely stand to watch them. I also find it difficult to watch the games at a bar as I make everyone around me rather uncomfortable with my near constant profane-laced outbursts. A lot of people ask why I am always so frustrated with the team that I love so much. My answer to them is always the same: Because I do not accept mediocrity as an acceptable outcome. I only accept perfection and for the team to accept anything less is…well…unacceptable. If the Bears don’t win a Super Bowl, I consider it a failed outcome of a season. Why else would you play? “Oh well at least we made the playoffs…yay!” Seriously? You know you are celebrating them losing, right? Might as well give them a participation trophy while you are at it.

Here are a few things that really grinded my gears about the Bears the past few seasons:

“We get off the bus running”

Literally dumbest thing I have ever heard. Lovie Smith should be sent to coach a WNBA team as punishment for saying something like this. It has been well documented my view on passing in the NFL (wave of the future) and for the entire reign of Jerry Angelo, the Bears held on to this philosophy. Meanwhile, the Pack, the Pats, the Saints, etc. were all moving forward with four wide receiver sets that were setting NFL records for completions, yards, TDs and super models banged by Tom Brady. I’m almost positive the Bears still have a god damn fullback on their roster. This isn’t the ‘ground-and-pound’ NFL anymore Lovie. The league is set-up to make passing offenses succeed. I think Phil Emery has realized that and is taking proactive steps towards making this happen more regularly.

Zone Defense

Lovie Smith is a firm believer in zone defenses. He loathes getting beat by the big play but who the hell doesn’t? The Tampa-Deuce is an entirely outdated defensive scheme that will be near impossible for the Bears to execute without the play of Urlacher and Peppers in the coming years. It is set up to where every Tom, Dick and Harry can toss out 15 yard post patterns because they know the secondary is sitting 30 yards back. Essentially, the Bears ‘bend but don’t break’ defense sustains drives with 3rd down conversions, wins the possesion and field position battles and almost always results in 3 points on the board for the bad guys. Look, I get the idea of the zone defense but there is a time to run man coverage and the sooner Lovie realizes that, the better.

Bear Weather

What the f**k is Bear weather? Do you seriously think the Bears play better then it is 5° outside? Have you ever tried to catch a 20 yard football pass in that weather? It is absolutely miserable. Trust me, if these pros had it their way, every team would be in South Beach and they would play on Saturdays so they could get drunk with bikini-clad women at clubs after the game. No one likes playing organized sporting events when it is freezing cold and windy outside. Every time I hear some announcer or jackass rocking a Cade Mcnown jersey say, “the odds are really in the Bears favor due to the weather” I just want to smack the crap out of them.

I am really hoping this season is different. I hope Jay Cutler makes it rain early and often. I hope Marshall is an All-Pro and doesn’t just confirm the connotation that Chicago is where receivers come to die. I really just hope the Bears can, for once, meet my expectations. Regardless of the outcome, you can bet your ass those profanity-laced outbursts will continue.

Like the Silverfox? Follow him on Twitter @ SilverFoxPlease … ask him questions on the Bears! He always replies!

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